Holding Loosely

New Year’s Eve was bittersweet this year. I was surrounded by some of the people I love and that was sweet. But the bitter, the sad, swept over me as the clock crept toward midnight. A new year. One more marker that life moved forward, whether I wanted it to or not. One more step away from the people and places I had to let go of. One more reminder that I could never go back.

So let me look at the biggest discoveries of 2012 for me. Significant moments in time.

Losing friends. Finding out that death is just as much of a miracle as life is.

Losing security. Watching as places in your life that were once sanctuaries became dark and uncertain.

Realizing personal truths. The clarity that I am an introvert. The comfort in accepting this.

Allowing my marriage to be what it is, not what I think it should be. Letting differences be a gift. Deep gratitude for a person who loves me, knowing all of who I am.

Gratitude for those with the gift of teaching. Gratitude for the teachers in my children’s life who give me peace of mind to send them off each day.

Accepting my children just for who they are.

Finding out that no matter how hard I hold on to the people around me, they will always slip through my fingers. They were never my possesion.

Letting music be a path to healing.

Realizing that my faith will never be what it used to be. Figuring out that that is a good thing. A very good thing.

Another year, finding out I really understand and know much less than I thought I did.

And something tells me that 2013 will be all this and more. More letting go. Holding a little more loosely to all I have.

This quote found in the Kairos School of Spiritual Formation calendar was the best way for me to usher in another year of this life. It’s what I open myself up to and I stare into the unknown of another 365 days.

“Mysteriously, wonderfully, I bid farewell to what goes, I greet what comes; for what comes cannot be denied and what goes cannot be detained.” – Chuang Tzu